In the name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful
We had a thing that morning. I don’t even remember what it was about. It wasn’t a fight as such. Just a ‘thing.’
In the first few months of marriage, whenever we would fight, I will be so upset that I would hold my breath for a while cos I dont even want to breathe the same air as him.
I had put the children to bed and went for a solo tawaaf. I did it on the ground floor. Clutching my du’a book while being shoved and desperately speaking to Allah ﷻ
I finished my 7th round and joined the queue to pray my nawafil in the Hijr. And SubhanAllah, I got in. Prayed my nawafil. Took a few pictures so that he could live vicariously through me and then left. Stopped by to get food and walked to the hotel.
I got in at about midnight and all 3 of them were up staring at the door. “See! It’s mummy” and they all rushed to me. I felt it. His love.
I shared my excitement about how Allah ﷻ opened His doors for me and facilitated my ibaadah that day.
“I hope you remembered to pray for me.” He said. I smiled. I said, “I first thanked Him for you cos He chose you for me.”
“I am so sorry for this morning.” He said. I smiled. “I know.”
I think it was in 2018. I was at an event held in An-Nur, and I remember the speaker started the session with a question. How many people here have children? And most hands went up. I felt a tinge of something. I had just gone through a loss of some sort, and I needed to get out of the house. The whole reason I was there. Or was it?
His ways are so different. SubhanAllah! But I digress..
And that was followed by another question from the speaker…
“If your children were to talk about their role models, would they mention you?” And if it was not all the hands that went down, it was most. Very most.
And now I ask myself one more…
“Do I want my children to be exactly like me?”
I marvel at nature vs. nurture. When one agent does something exactly like they see us do it. Or another asking for “hot tea” just like grandma. Or they talk my ear off just like daddy.
These children, they see us in a way no-one else sees us. They truly love us. It is all important to them, our mood, our reactions, our validation, our time. We might think there is time for us to do better, but the truth is, there isn’t. Or is there?
We would be starting with another group for the Nurtured mama Program. This is your invitation to join us.
In the name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful.
The more things change, the more they remain the same.
Ramadān is always an exciting one. Alhamdulillah. There is so much palnning and excitement as the month comes and then just like that it is done and leave us yearning for the next. may Allah ﷻ allow us to witness this month and many more and to take and reap from it. Amin.
For a number of years now, I have had a similar schedule for Ramadān. I host a community reflection circle post fajr which I love and then start my day right after, when I was working a 9-5, would proceed to work and even when I was a full-time entrepreneur, I would work as such too. Then I schedule everything else as needed from Qur’an classes to tafseer classes and so on. And I have loved it. I love knowing what I need to do, I love getting to do all I get to do, and the structure keeps me focused. Alhamdulillah.
However, this Ramadān, I find myself craving a much needed retreat. I want to take time out for myself to just be by myself and work on myself from within myself. I really miss solo journaling sessions as well and looking forward to that too. I am looking to get the children involved as well and so doing a lot of activities with them In sha’a Allah So let’s say there will be lots of children books in my Ramadān as well. There is also my studies. We do not get a break for Ramadān, just an adjusted schedule because we do not get a lunch break cos it is Ramadān.
I intend to make a number of changes in the coming months and I intend to use Ramadān as a training ground for that In sha’a Allah.
One other thing I am excited about is Pockets of peace – a bunch of letters of love, hope and personal stories, I would be sending out with so much more love scattered through the month of Ramadān. Feel free to subscribe here.
May Allah ﷻ allow us to witness the blessed month, see it and benefit from it and may He accept all of our ibadah and reward us for it and may he allow us to enter into His Jannah. Amin
How about you? Do you intend to have a different Ramadān?
In the name of Allah the entirely Merciful, the especially Merciful
So we embarked on a journey to the House of Allah following our invitation. This invitation, special as it is doesn’t come because we are perfect or worthy even. It is by His power and Decree and ultimately His mercy.
“Are you crazy?!”
“Why do you want to go with your children?!”
I didn’t even try to explain it. They would not understand. I have been there before.
You see, the first time I was going for Umrah, I was discouraged.
“Why waste the money for Umrah when you have not done Hajj yet?”
“Hajj is the one that is obligatory.”
“Maybe look for fertility solutions instead while you save for Hajj.”
SubhanAllah!
There has been so many conversations with Allah ﷻ in all of that time.
“Ya Rabb! Ya Wahhab, gift ne a child so that I can bring them to your house and say thank you.”
“Ya Allah, Ya Warith, grant me offspring and keep their hearts attached to your house.”
So it was out of my hand. I did not even ask for anyone’s opinion because I knew what they would say. I just sought out people who have walked the path and got tips for packing and travelling and keeping my cool. It is easier to take children on vacations where we go to safaris or parks however we struggle with the decision to take them for a journey such as this. And we had this conversation over and over with Abu Bilal. We wanted to go to a safari in kenya and I said either we do both, otherwise, if we can do safari then we can do Umrah. We couldn’t do both.
We had a lot of conversations and talked about our hopes, intentions and fears. I mean, the pandemic changed things a lot and there is always finances. We also have very opposing personalities. We revisited these conversations as many times as we needed to. We negotiated our roles as well. It was a lot of conversation between us and Allah. Alhamdulillah. We hoped it will all strengthen our connection to Allah ﷻ as a family.
Random day, we were at the bank where my sister used to work trying to sort out PTA after we got our visas and she had her trip planned for a few weeks after we would have returned and had a few questions about the rituals, then Abu Bilal said, “let’s just go together.” And we spoke to the travel agent and he was able to make it work. They were unable to go with their children and so we were not going to saddle them with the responsibility of ours but I must say it was nice to have them and I remember one day as we were walking back to the hotel, I told my sister, I prayed for this. “To come here with you” and she said, “see, and your prayer pulled my husband.” And it was so funny to think about like that, but His ways are unlike anything we know and can understand. He is Al Aziz and Al Mujeeb. We ever know whose prayer it is but His ways are so beautiful.
We plan and Allah ﷻ plans and Allah ﷻ is indeed the best of planners. May we always be content with what He decrees for us and put our trust in Him.
I hope to share about the planning, the daily happenings, and the challenges we faced as well. If you have specific questions, please drop as a comment and I will answer you as it does take me a bit of time to push out a full blog post. Alhamdulillah!
P.s: On a lighter note, I remember saying, that if the only thing that we get out of this is that my son sees that men do not need a hijab to pray, then that suffices me. Well, believe it or not last week, he was going to the masjid with his dad and sister and I offered his sister my hijab (she loves wearing my clothes, another habit we picked up cos we matched as much as possible during the trip) and he said, “let me go and get my cap” and I’m like Allahu Akbar.
May Allah ﷻ invite us all again and again to His house and May He ultimately admit us all into his Jannah.
Paradise is not a joke. It is not about who is able to dream about it with their creative vivid imaginations and definitely not just about all the talk of puffpuff in Jannah. Just because you are poor or unable to afford a maid or all the servants you wish for in this life doesnt instantly guarantee you having those servants in Jannah….
Do you think that you will enter Paradise while you have not yet been visited by (difficult) circumstances like those that were faced by the people who passed away before you? They were afflicted by hardship and suffering, and were so shaken down that the prophet, and those who believed with him, started saying: “When (will come) the help of Allah?” (Then, they were comforted by the Prophet who said to them) ‘Behold, the help of Allah is near.’ [Quran 2:214]
These trials come and they just keep coming. And to think that they are a means? Allahu Akbar!
Ya Allah ﷻ help us through our trials and keep us firm in our faith. And Ya Rabb! Please admit us into your jannah without account.
Please spare a moment to say a du’a for my grandma, she passed earlier. And say a prayer for all the loved ones we have lost.
Did you say you can’t? It is so easy to think or say “I can’t….” Over and over again, we tell ourselves so many things without realizing it. I can’t wake up early for Fajr I can’t cook a meal I can’t help my child with their homework I can’t afford to pay for “the full cup” or whatever program on your list And sometimes you even have a reason added so it would sound like… I really want to join #FajrClub but I can’t because I am not a morning person. Most of the time, the truth isn’t that you can’t, it is that you won’t. I won’t wake up early for Fajr I won’t cook a meal right now I won’t help my child with their homework I won’t afford to pay for the full cup I really want to join Fajr Club but I won’t because I am not a morning person. The thing is when we say we “can’t” do something, we sound like we are a victim and it is comfortable but when we say we won’t then it shows our choice in the matter. And this is not to say that there are not things that we actually cannot do. I mean maybe you genuinely can’t afford something at the moment… But until you start to take note of this difference, you would not know. And your brain will believe whatever you tell it. So when you find yourself saying you can’t do something, change “can’t” to “won’t” and see if it still holds true. And don’t think it makes you lazy, it just makes you honest and most days, honesty is the cheapest thing you can afford.
