dear struggling mama

dear struggling mama

It is a lot of work…
There is so much giving that comes with being a mother. It asks of you more than you feel you want to give. But you give anyway…

With a child on your hip
Or maybe on your back
Or holding tightly to your leg
Or up on your shoulders

You give anyway
And He does not place upon you more than you can bear.

Dear struggling mama,
I see YOU!

For when you say “I can’t “…

For when you say “I can’t “…

Did you say you can’t?⁣

It is so easy to think or say “I can’t….”⁣

Over and over again, we tell ourselves so many things without realizing it. ⁣

I can’t wake up early for Fajr⁣
I can’t cook a meal⁣
I can’t help my child with their homework⁣
I can’t afford to pay for “the full cup” or whatever program on your list


And sometimes you even have a reason added so it would sound like…⁣

I really want to join #FajrClub but I can’t because I am not a morning person.⁣

Most of the time, the truth isn’t that you can’t, it is that you won’t. ⁣

I won’t wake up early for Fajr⁣
I won’t cook a meal right now⁣
I won’t help my child with their homework⁣
I won’t afford to pay for the full cup⁣

I really want to join Fajr Club but I won’t because I am not a morning person.


The thing is when we say we “can’t” do something, we sound like we are a victim and it is comfortable but when we say we won’t then it shows our choice in the matter. ⁣

And this is not to say that there are not things that we actually cannot do. I mean maybe you genuinely can’t afford something at the moment…⁣

But until you start to take note of this difference, you would not know. And your brain will believe whatever you tell it. ⁣

So when you find yourself saying you can’t do something, change “can’t” to “won’t” and see if it still holds true.⁣

And don’t think it makes you lazy, it just makes you honest and most days, honesty is the cheapest thing you can afford. ⁣

It is your grief

It is your grief

Grief… [trigger] ⁣

It doesn’t mean only one thing. It can be a lot of things. The loss of a loved one. The loss of a life that we planned in our head. The end of a marriage. The end of a friendship. The end of a relationship. Moving on from one season to the next. The miscarriage. The negative pregnancy test after that hopeful slight positive result. A move. Moving on. ⁣

And not to forget the changes, growth, stops and pauses that come with any of these. ⁣

The opportunities we lost because we chose to love and support a loved one. ⁣

The life we thought we will have⁣
The memories we thought we will make⁣

And sometimes you may feel so angry because the world seems to be moving on just fine…. ⁣

No one can tell that as you pushed the trolley in the supermarket, there was a contraction and a loss of what would have been a baby. Your baby. ⁣

Somedays it is easy for you to identify what you are feeling, you are in your room with the windows covered just sitting in the darkness and somedays, you get through your day with love and laugher and then all of a sudden, as you lay on your bed, you feel a tightness in your chest and you seek the mercy of tears and it just doesn’t come. ⁣

Then there is people telling you how strong you are but you can barely lift the blankets off and start your day. ⁣

Grief is for loss. It is your loss whatever that means for you. And it is valid. ⁣

(ٱلَّذِینَ إِذَاۤ أَصَـٰبَتۡهُم مُّصِیبَةࣱ قَالُوۤا۟ إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّاۤ إِلَیۡهِ رَ ٰ⁠جِعُونَ)⁣
[Surah Al-Baqarah 156] ⁣

those who say, when afflicted with a calamity, ‘We belong to God and to Him we shall return.’

Qur’an Reflection: And then what?

Qur’an Reflection: And then what?

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

(فَإِذَا مَسَّ ٱلۡإِنسَـٰنَ ضُرࣱّ دَعَانَا ثُمَّ إِذَا خَوَّلۡنَـٰهُ نِعۡمَةࣰ مِّنَّا قَالَ إِنَّمَاۤ أُوتِیتُهُۥ عَلَىٰ عِلۡمِۭۚ بَلۡ هِیَ فِتۡنَةࣱ وَلَـٰكِنَّ أَكۡثَرَهُمۡ لَا یَعۡلَمُونَ)
[Surah Az-Zumar 49]

When man is visited by a trouble, he prays to Us, but when, after that, We favor him with some blessing from Us, he says, “This is given to me because of (my) knowledge.” No, but this is a trial, yet most of them do not know.

One of my teachers once gave us an advice, he said, don’t forget to engage with the Qur’an in a language that you are comfortable with every once in a while.

As students of Arabic you can get so stuck with the grammar you forget to connect.

I was reading this ayah this morning and as I attempted to translate it on my own, I remembered an ayah which a sister refers to regularly….

(وَإِذَا مَسَّكُمُ ٱلضُّرُّ فِی ٱلۡبَحۡرِ ضَلَّ مَن تَدۡعُونَ إِلَّاۤ إِیَّاهُۖ فَلَمَّا نَجَّىٰكُمۡ إِلَى ٱلۡبَرِّ أَعۡرَضۡتُمۡۚ وَكَانَ ٱلۡإِنسَـٰنُ كَفُورًا)
[Surah Al-Isra’ 67]

And when you face a hardship at sea, vanished are those whom you used to invoke, except Him (Allah). Then, once He brings you safe to the land, you turn away (from Him); man is so ungrateful.

So many times we want something, that one that completes us, the job of our dreams, the school we want to get into or a cure for our disease or we are in deep trouble and we turn to Allah ﷻ but what happens when the ease comes? Or our duas get answered?

What happens then?

I need to look closely into my day to see what happens.

It always starts with awareness..

Peace and Security – What does it even mean?

Peace and Security – What does it even mean?

I struggled finding sleep last night. I decided it was because I was wearing only a night shirt and so finally got up at 1am to wear trousers. This happens regularly to me but mostly on Fridays. I didn’t understand why I struggled on this Saturday night.

Abu Agents (lit. Father of Agents aka My husband) travelled most of the week and had just returned yesterday. I did’nt struggle as much when he was away, shouldn’t his presence bring a feeling of ease. Why wasn’t this the case?

Earlier in the day, I was working with a client on her core values and we did talk about security, stability and safety and after the call I sat with what those values meant to me.

To be honest, since we were awakened at 2am when a group of strange men came into our house and threatened us and stole from us, it gave the word ‘peace’ and ‘security’ a whole new meaning. It also made me realize blessings that I take for granted.

Innocence and even ignorance – I mean, we hear that the world is a dangerous place but you do not know what that means per say, you are almost ignorant until you learn.

Ignorance they say, is bliss!

When you think about the words peace and safety, what do they mean to you?

Indeed, this life is a journey from Allah ﷻ (As-salam) through Sabil as Salam (Islam) to Dar-us-Salam (Jannah)

truly it is in the remembrance of God that hearts find peace [Qur’an 13:28]

From Nana’s Journal| August 1st 2021

I pray that you find peace in your life. I pray that Allah ﷻ surround’s you with His Sakinah (tranquility). Amin!

P.s – If you want to stand for something cos you are tired of falling for everything. Let’s start working on your values here.

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