Our Family Umrah: #1 the first step

Our Family Umrah: #1 the first step

In the name of Allah the entirely Merciful, the especially Merciful

So we embarked on a journey to the House of Allah following our invitation. This invitation, special as it is doesn’t come because we are perfect or worthy even. It is by His power and Decree and ultimately His mercy.

“Are you crazy?!”

“Why do you want to go with your children?!”

I didn’t even try to explain it. They would not understand. I have been there before.

You see, the first time I was going for Umrah, I was discouraged.

“Why waste the money for Umrah when you have not done Hajj yet?”

“Hajj is the one that is obligatory.”

“Maybe look for fertility solutions instead while you save for Hajj.”


There has been so many conversations with Allah ﷻ in all of that time.

“Ya Rabb! Ya Wahhab, gift ne a child so that I can bring them to your house and say thank you.”

“Ya Allah, Ya Warith, grant me offspring and keep their hearts attached to your house.”

So it was out of my hand. I did not even ask for anyone’s opinion because I knew what they would say. I just sought out people who have walked the path and got tips for packing and travelling and keeping my cool. It is easier to take children on vacations where we go to safaris or parks however we struggle with the decision to take them for a journey such as this. And we had this conversation over and over with Abu Bilal. We wanted to go to a safari in kenya and I said either we do both, otherwise, if we can do safari then we can do Umrah. We couldn’t do both.

We had a lot of conversations and talked about our hopes, intentions and fears. I mean, the pandemic changed things a lot and there is always finances. We also have very opposing personalities. We revisited these conversations as many times as we needed to. We negotiated our roles as well. It was a lot of conversation between us and Allah. Alhamdulillah. We hoped it will all strengthen our connection to Allah ﷻ as a family.

Random day, we were at the bank where my sister used to work trying to sort out PTA after we got our visas and she had her trip planned for a few weeks after we would have returned and had a few questions about the rituals, then Abu Bilal said, “let’s just go together.” And we spoke to the travel agent and he was able to make it work. They were unable to go with their children and so we were not going to saddle them with the responsibility of ours but I must say it was nice to have them and I remember one day as we were walking back to the hotel, I told my sister, I prayed for this. “To come here with you” and she said, “see, and your prayer pulled my husband.” And it was so funny to think about like that, but His ways are unlike anything we know and can understand. He is Al Aziz and Al Mujeeb. We ever know whose prayer it is but His ways are so beautiful.

We plan and Allah ﷻ plans and Allah ﷻ is indeed the best of planners. May we always be content with what He decrees for us and put our trust in Him.

I hope to share about the planning, the daily happenings, and the challenges we faced as well. If you have specific questions, please drop as a comment and I will answer you as it does take me a bit of time to push out a full blog post. Alhamdulillah!

P.s: On a lighter note, I remember saying, that if the only thing that we get out of this is that my son sees that men do not need a hijab to pray, then that suffices me. Well, believe it or not last week, he was going to the masjid with his dad and sister and I offered his sister my hijab (she loves wearing my clothes, another habit we picked up cos we matched as much as possible during the trip) and he said, “let me go and get my cap” and I’m like Allahu Akbar.

May Allah ﷻ invite us all again and again to His house and May He ultimately admit us all into his Jannah.

Dear struggling mama

Dear struggling mama

It is a lot of work…
There is so much giving that comes with being a mother. It asks of you more than you feel you want to give. But you give anyway…

With a child on your hip
Or maybe on your back
Or holding tightly to your leg
Or up on your shoulders

You give anyway
And He does not place upon you more than you can bear.

Dear struggling mama,
I see YOU!

For when you say “I can’t “…

For when you say “I can’t “…

Did you say you can’t?⁣

It is so easy to think or say “I can’t….”⁣

Over and over again, we tell ourselves so many things without realizing it. ⁣

I can’t wake up early for Fajr⁣
I can’t cook a meal⁣
I can’t help my child with their homework⁣
I can’t afford to pay for “the full cup” or whatever program on your list

And sometimes you even have a reason added so it would sound like…⁣

I really want to join #FajrClub but I can’t because I am not a morning person.⁣

Most of the time, the truth isn’t that you can’t, it is that you won’t. ⁣

I won’t wake up early for Fajr⁣
I won’t cook a meal right now⁣
I won’t help my child with their homework⁣
I won’t afford to pay for the full cup⁣

I really want to join Fajr Club but I won’t because I am not a morning person.

The thing is when we say we “can’t” do something, we sound like we are a victim and it is comfortable but when we say we won’t then it shows our choice in the matter. ⁣

And this is not to say that there are not things that we actually cannot do. I mean maybe you genuinely can’t afford something at the moment…⁣

But until you start to take note of this difference, you would not know. And your brain will believe whatever you tell it. ⁣

So when you find yourself saying you can’t do something, change “can’t” to “won’t” and see if it still holds true.⁣

And don’t think it makes you lazy, it just makes you honest and most days, honesty is the cheapest thing you can afford. ⁣

It is your grief

It is your grief

Grief… [trigger] ⁣

It doesn’t mean only one thing. It can be a lot of things. The loss of a loved one. The loss of a life that we planned in our head. The end of a marriage. The end of a friendship. The end of a relationship. Moving on from one season to the next. The miscarriage. The negative pregnancy test after that hopeful slight positive result. A move. Moving on. ⁣

And not to forget the changes, growth, stops and pauses that come with any of these. ⁣

The opportunities we lost because we chose to love and support a loved one. ⁣

The life we thought we will have⁣
The memories we thought we will make⁣

And sometimes you may feel so angry because the world seems to be moving on just fine…. ⁣

No one can tell that as you pushed the trolley in the supermarket, there was a contraction and a loss of what would have been a baby. Your baby. ⁣

Somedays it is easy for you to identify what you are feeling, you are in your room with the windows covered just sitting in the darkness and somedays, you get through your day with love and laugher and then all of a sudden, as you lay on your bed, you feel a tightness in your chest and you seek the mercy of tears and it just doesn’t come. ⁣

Then there is people telling you how strong you are but you can barely lift the blankets off and start your day. ⁣

Grief is for loss. It is your loss whatever that means for you. And it is valid. ⁣

(ٱلَّذِینَ إِذَاۤ أَصَـٰبَتۡهُم مُّصِیبَةࣱ قَالُوۤا۟ إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّاۤ إِلَیۡهِ رَ ٰ⁠جِعُونَ)⁣
[Surah Al-Baqarah 156] ⁣

those who say, when afflicted with a calamity, ‘We belong to God and to Him we shall return.’

That Inner Voice

That Inner Voice

So, I recently got a job. I mean, to be honest, its one of my dream jobs. You know what? It’s actually my main dream job. I mean, I have a lot of dream jobs but this is the main dream job, like all the others, are dream side hustles. I am sure you get the point. Anyways, Alhamdulillah! I got it.

I shared the news with my family and loved ones, and they shared with their friends and loved ones and as more people knew about it and called to congratulate me, the excitement started to die down and then came the panic. What if I am not as good as people think? What if I fail? What if people finally see that I have just been getting lucky? What if my luck finally runs out? I was sad and felt…. limited and exposed. Have you ever felt like this?

You start to wonder, “am I too loud, too proud, strong enough, good enough, pretty enough, tough enough, too feminine, Muslim enough, dreaming too big?”

Imposter Syndrome

The term ‘imposter syndrome’ was coined in the 1970s. It is that unsettling feeling after you score big that you don’t deserve the praise and appreciation you get despite evidence that shows that you are skilled.  Its common among overachievers, minority groups, creative and students.

You feel like you need to be perfect at every thing. This is such a huge task to burden yourself with. I mean, you cannot win at perfection. And so you would fail. Plus there is this accompanying fear of failure. This fear cripples you and you end up just standing on the sidelines afraid to make a move. Plus you constantly undermine your success. Elizabeth Cox describes this here.

Imposter's syndrome

How it affects you?

  • You convince yourself you are going to fail

I was that kid in class that would never answer a question the teacher was asking even if he/she was going to make me stand through class because I couldn’t give any answer. I mean it’s better they assume I am not smart than open my mouth and give them the proof to conclude I am not smart

  • You devalue your worth

I constantly struggle with this one. I especially find it hard taking credit for my services. People offer to pay me to do stuff they see I am very good at and I am quick to offer to do it for them for free instead. I mean, being nice is good but we know nice isn’t a currency accepted for goods and services. It’s like you are in a job interview and you end up convincing the interviewer to not hire you instead. I mean, its why there are so many pieces you have written that no one has never seen. You don’t believe anyone would want to read that after all, you wrote it

  • You underestimate your expertise

This one is common with pharmacists. We are the minority in healthcare. For instance, a doctor prescribed the right drug in the wrong dose and rather than correct him, you first make excuses for him, then when you run out of excuses you finally open your mouth to speak and then say “… but I think…” I mean, at this point the best you can do for yourself is be sure.

  • You feel like a fraud

You constantly feel you are not worthy of the prizes, praises and accolades you get. You feel like you cannot be as great as they think or as smart as they think and you would not always be this lucky. They are going to find out and then everyone would know that you are a fraud.

  • Think you have to do it all.

It feels like you need to keep it all together because everyone thinks you are so put together. So you push yourself beyond yourself just so no one sees that you falling apart.

How to handle it?

First, believe that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. SubhanAllah. He is perfect and so is His plan.

  • Replace the negative self talk with affirmations

A lot of the time, we do not show ourselves the kindness and love we show to others. Be your own cheerleader. Stand up for yourself. Write it on post-its, get wall prints and even cute stationery with reminders that you are worthy.

My personal favourite is…

I am the sun. I am the stars. I am the moon. I am worthy. I am awesome. I am enough. I am a rock star. I am dynamite and a million fairy lights. The world is ready for my awesomeness.

Aishatu Nana Ahmed
  • Find a hype woman/man

You are indeed blessed when Allah gifts you with people who believe in you. Most of the time, you would not believe certain things you tell yourself until you hear it from someone else especially if its someone you respect. If you have one of those, keep them.

  • Decide to fail forward.

Failing doesn’t mean you did not deserve the opportunity in the first place. Sometimes, failure comes with a better opportunity. And it is okay to fail. And until you fail, you would never really experience the joy that comes with succeeding. It’s in failing or struggling that you find your story.

  • Under promise and over deliver

This would help take a lot of pressure off you. You would have managed their expectations and everything else is a bonus.

  • Keep a list of compliments and accomplishments

This one is for you. It gives you a record of your own efforts. That way you don’t always feel like everything was just handed to you.

  • Find someone else to blame

I really like this one. You just blame someone else. Okay, “If I am not as great as they think, then whoever decided to employ me is to blame. I mean, all I did was apply for the job. They should have done a better job vetting me”.

Imposter’s syndrome is not something that goes away. You have to learn to live and cope with it. It is sad that we sometimes assume humility as the opposite of confidence and so we think being confident makes us proud. that isn’t the case. Finally, do not believe everything you think.

So tell me, have you ever struggled with this? How did you handle it?

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