dear struggling mama

dear struggling mama

It is a lot of work…
There is so much giving that comes with being a mother. It asks of you more than you feel you want to give. But you give anyway…

With a child on your hip
Or maybe on your back
Or holding tightly to your leg
Or up on your shoulders

You give anyway
And He does not place upon you more than you can bear.

Dear struggling mama,
I see YOU!

Communication in Marriage: A guide for Introverts

Communication in Marriage: A guide for Introverts

Relationships are not easy. And then somehow we end up being attracted to someone who is the opposite of us, well, because ‘opposites attract.’ It is no secret that effective communication is key, not only in relationships but in life in general, and although introverts tend to be creative think-outside-the-box people, they struggle with the constant conversations and “check-ins” that a relationship may require.

Communication to a relationship is like what oxygen is to life.

Tony Gaskin

Have you ever felt lost, stuck and maybe confused, yet unsure about how to communicate your inner world with your significant other? Have you ever been misunderstood or called “too sensitive” by a partner?

Welcome home!

These are problems many introverts go through at some point in time. Introverts recharge their energy alone. Their strength lies in focusing inward and putting them in touch with their thoughts and feelings. They tend to prefer smaller intimate groups rather than bigger ones. They also love deep, meaningful conversations. As much as they love their own company and prefer being by themselves, they too crave deep, meaningful connection, especially with their partners.

Where some introverts are shy, others are charismatic – they just recharge their batteries through time alone. However, because introverts tend to be in touch with their feelings or highly sensitive, their partners might initially misunderstand them. While being misunderstood might be frustrating at first, there are ways you and your partner can improve the communication in your relationship.

Here’s how to improve your relationship communication as an introvert:

  1. Get to know yourself better. One of the best things you can do as an introvert is to get to know yourself better. Journal regularly so you can figure out your strengths and blind spots. Knowing yourself better will help you communicate with your partner and speak up for yourself.
    • What gives you energy?
    • Observe yourself what part of the day you crave time to yourself the most – morning, evenings, just after everyone has gone out, those last minutes of silence before everyone is back home?
    • What activities drain you a lot faster?
    • Is there anywhere in life where you feel exhausted?
    • How did that make you feel? What would you change about that?
    • Do you have a certain rhythm of being ‘off’ and ‘on’ – maybe around your period or towards the end of the month when you are waiting for your monthly income or around the holidays? 
  1. Accept and compromise. You and your partner are entitled to two different experiences. If you and your partner see things differently, learn where you need to accept and compromise! And doing this is a big win because most times it is complementary and not antagonistic.
  2. Celebrate your strengths. Your strengths as an introvert may be under-appreciated or overlooked. Recognise and celebrate your strengths and find ways to use them to improve your relationship! As an introvert, you probably are:
    • Empathetic. You understand when others need time alone. You have an easy time putting yourself in others’ shoes. Taking the time to get to know yourself and your feelings better will help you feel more confident communicating them to your significant other. The key is to feel with people with discernment of your feelings.
    • Open and deep. You can be open, vulnerable (when you feel safe) and transparent about how you feel.
    • Connected. Because you recharge alone and think inward, you can be connected to your body and mind.
    • A great listener plus you notice the details. You are a great listener and pay attention to others. This might mean you also have a great memory! People might be surprised by the details you tend to remember. “The colour of your partner’s shirt when they said that hurtful comment.”
  3. Ask questions. Sometimes, introverts tend to rely on others to lead the conversation. Be curious about how your partner feels, in and out of arguments. “What” or “Why” questions can usually lead to a defensive response. So, you can play even safer and start by saying, ‘Help me understand…..’
  4. Understand and embrace how you naturally express and receive love. People don’t believe it but sometimes you don’t necessarily give love the way you want to receive it. I love the work on the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It is a great tool for understanding how you most naturally express and receive love. They love languages are:
    • Quality Time: Meaningful and fun time spent together. Like sitting with your partner and enjoying deep conversations.
    • Physical Touch: Affection through touch and physical closeness. A gentle rub of your shoulder as your spouse passes you hard at work at the table or cooking in the kitchen.
    • Words of Affirmation:  Compliments, verbal encouragement, affirmations and loving acknowledgement. “I love you so much. Thank you for tolerating me.
    • Gifts: Physical gifts, great or small. “So I was passing by a book store and I got you this book.
    • Acts of Service: Helpful gestures that make another’s life easier and more enjoyable. “Wow! You sorted all of that laundry and without me asking?!”
  5. Give yourself alone time when you need it. If you find yourself needing time or space to process emotions alone, clear your mind, or recharge, create that space for yourself! Sometimes it might be right after an argument with your spouse or just after your toddler’s fifth tantrum of the day and you would appreciate time to recharge. However, it can be perceived as a reaction to what just happened so go ahead and communicate that you just need the time. Taking this a step further, notice what fills your cup quicker so you can maximize the time you have. And sometimes it might be as simple as putting your phone away for five minutes.
  6. Speak up. Introverts are less likely to speak up because they are mostly in their head. Sometimes, introverts will wait until they are asked before speaking up. You and your partner are a team! When you’re stressed or there’s an argument, request gracefully for time to be by yourself. Your partner will be at ease since they know you’re not walking away; you’re just taking the time you need so you can have a good discussion. Also share you views about the low-stakes situation like dinner plans and you will start to feel more confident about having those bigger discussions.  
  7. Learn to say “No”. It is important to know your limits. Don’t say yes to activities and gatherings that you know will drain you. “No” is healthy for you.

Just because you are an introvert does not mean that you are unable to communicate. Everyone needs a reminder of their inner awesome, it is how we become better people. Effective communication requires engagement, self-awareness, and  creativity, all of which comes naturally for an introvert. It is not about quantity but about quality. So the goal is not to go out and start making a lot of noise. Talking does not equal communication. Going out everyday does not guarantee lasting connections.

Remember, relationships are a partnership! If you are not able to effectively communicate, your relationship will be based on assumption and that is not healthy at all. Be transparent with your partner about how you feel and where you struggle. Together, you can not just survive but thrive and weather all the storms that come your way.

O my Lord! Open for me my chest (grant me self-confidence, contentment, and boldness); Ease my task for me; And remove the impediment from my speech, so they may understand what I say. Amin!

If this was beneficial, please drop a comment, like the post or share to an introvert in your life.

I will be talking a lot about the differences in our personalities in adults and children, how they show up and how to communicate effectively irrespective of these difference in a workshop – The basis of relationships. Get your early bird discount today!

For when you say “I can’t “…

For when you say “I can’t “…

Did you say you can’t?⁣

It is so easy to think or say “I can’t….”⁣

Over and over again, we tell ourselves so many things without realizing it. ⁣

I can’t wake up early for Fajr⁣
I can’t cook a meal⁣
I can’t help my child with their homework⁣
I can’t afford to pay for “the full cup” or whatever program on your list


And sometimes you even have a reason added so it would sound like…⁣

I really want to join #FajrClub but I can’t because I am not a morning person.⁣

Most of the time, the truth isn’t that you can’t, it is that you won’t. ⁣

I won’t wake up early for Fajr⁣
I won’t cook a meal right now⁣
I won’t help my child with their homework⁣
I won’t afford to pay for the full cup⁣

I really want to join Fajr Club but I won’t because I am not a morning person.


The thing is when we say we “can’t” do something, we sound like we are a victim and it is comfortable but when we say we won’t then it shows our choice in the matter. ⁣

And this is not to say that there are not things that we actually cannot do. I mean maybe you genuinely can’t afford something at the moment…⁣

But until you start to take note of this difference, you would not know. And your brain will believe whatever you tell it. ⁣

So when you find yourself saying you can’t do something, change “can’t” to “won’t” and see if it still holds true.⁣

And don’t think it makes you lazy, it just makes you honest and most days, honesty is the cheapest thing you can afford. ⁣

5 Ways to Find Time to Read – The Reluctant Reader Series

5 Ways to Find Time to Read – The Reluctant Reader Series

Success! Growth! Transformation!

These are words we hear a lot these days and there are a lot of things you can do to achieve them. Whether it is in your life, career, spirituality, business, relationships, there is so much you can do like get a coach, or take a course or join a membership or get a mentor but none is as easy as picking up a book and reading it. And books are such a fun way to escape. We should read more.

Not everyone loves reading and there are so many reasons why people do not read.

The commonest is that there is no time. You really do not need to focus for a long stretch. All the short bursts really do add up.

Another reason is people feel they need to finish every book they start (I used to think so too). You don’t. If it doesn’t do it for you, then dump it and find the one your soul needs. If the book is too intense for you and you need to peek at the end, go ahead. It is not a race.

Reading helps us improve our focus. Have you noticed that you hardly read long captions completely? But we can spend a good number of hours just scrolling through photos on Instagram. It is time, we put aside our phones and pick up books instead.

Concentration. and focus are like muscles, if you don’t use them regularly, it will be too weak for when you actually need them.

So you have work or school or you are an entrepreneur working 24/7 trying to make six or seven figures, where do you find the time to read? That is what this post is about.

  • Wake up a few minutes earlier

Waking up a few minutes earlier automatically gives you more time in your day. Yeah! It has so much barakah!  This only works if you get up immediately. Don’t lie in bed scrolling for hours on end. Say your prayers, recite the Qur’an, plan your day if you are a morning planner, or journal if you need to clear your head and then pick up a book and read.

  • While you eat

When we eat, you will naturally seek out entertainment – whether it is scrolling your phone or watching something on the T.V or chatting a way with colleagues at work. If you can find a quiet place, then go ahead and read instead.

  • While you wait

There are pockets of time during the day when you are on your way to work or  a meeting (If you are driving an audiobook will serve). Or while you wait for your meal at a restaurant especially if you are alone or while you wait for the bus or your ride or while you wait for your appointment (maybe you got to your appointment early). Always have a book with you for when the opportunity comes.

  • Make reading a treat

So you had a long list of things to do and by Allah’s mercy, you did all of it. What next? You deserve a treat. Make reading your treat. This is more effective for those who love to read. For the reluctant reader, choose a treat for when you meet your daily or weekly reading goals.

  • Wrap up the day

You are in bed and you aren’t yet asleep, you pick your phone and keep scrolling until your phone hits your face because you slept off. Not again?

Let’s do better. Try to leave your phone on the bedside shelf then pick a book instead. The sleep will come easier. Plus, screens are more detrimental to your health.

Knowledge is powerful but we can only unlock its power by actively seeking it and then translating it to action. In short, we all need to dedicate ourselves to a life of learning.

Learning never ends and reading doesn’t have to either. You can use Goodreads to track your progress. After all, what is measured is improved. So go ahead, and start. Start small, measure and celebrate your strides.

If you haven’t yet, Join us in choosing books not drugs by supporting the “books not drugs” campaign.

Now tell me, what book do you want everyone you know to read at least once in their life?

13 Time Maximizing Tips for First Time Parents

13 Time Maximizing Tips for First Time Parents

You know your life will change when you become a parent for the first time. Along with the love and joy comes a lot of new responsibilities and demands. To take care of your growing family, it is important to manage your time effectively.

It’s easy to wind up feeling overwhelmed unless you can design a system that works for you.

Start by taking a look at these suggestions that have helped other parents who were once in your shoes.

Maximizing Your Time:

  1. Assess your routine. Figure out how you’re currently spending your time. How many hours do you spend watching TV or browsing online? Are there some tasks you can remove from your to-do list?

  2. Set priorities. Focus on your most important responsibilities. Your family’s health and happiness matter more than keeping up with the laundry.

  3. Plan ahead. If possible, start strategizing even before your baby is born. Research your options for things like diaper service and daycare.

  4. Budget extra time. Expect that many activities will take longer than they used to. If you’re running errands with your baby, you’ll need to bring along extra supplies, and you may need to stop for bathroom and feeding breaks.

  5. Coordinate your tasks. Being organized will help you stay on track. Deal with your essential errands first just in case you run out of time. Consider using delivery services for a while.

  6. Ask for help. Let others know how they can support you. Your family and friends may be happy to babysit or take over some chores. Contact local companies to hire a baby nurse or a house cleaner.

  7. Use technology. Online shopping and time-saving apps can help you cut down on your workload. Ask other new and experienced parents about their favourite discoveries.

Dealing with Common Obstacles:

  1. Catch up on sleep. Sleep deprivation is one of the toughest challenges when you have a new baby, but you need your rest to function well. Most babies can sleep through the night starting at about 3 months, especially if you develop soothing bedtime rituals. Until then, you and your partner might be able to alternate taking charge some nights so you each get some rest. Naps help too.

  2. Eat a balanced diet. Sound nutrition will also make you more productive. Be sure to eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, lean proteins, and healthy fats. Cook food in batches for quick meals, and keep your pantry stocked with your favourite staples.

  3. Exercise regularly. How can you squeeze in a workout? Maybe you can do yoga for a few minutes at a time instead of your usual full session. Maybe you can find a quiet half hour at the start or end of your day.

  4. Evaluate the source. Being picky about who you go to for advice can save you time and frustration. Focus on those you can trust like your paediatrician or government and university websites.

  5. Clear away clutter. Onesies, stuffed animals, and other baby gear are so cute that you may be tempted to go overboard. However, too many items create more work, so stick to having just what you really need.

  6. Reduce stress. It’s difficult to use your time well when you’re tired or tense. Find relaxation practices that work for you, such as meditation or deep breathing. You can also call a friend or join a parent support group.

Having your first child is a major milestone in your life. Knowing how to maximize your time will help you to remain balanced and navigate the transition. That way, you can take care of your own needs and ensure that your baby feels safe and loved.

And you can download the maximizing time checklist for free just click on the photo below

checklist for new mama

And let me know how useful it is for you…

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