Grief… [trigger] It doesn’t mean only one thing. It can be a lot of things. The loss of a loved one. The loss of a life that we planned in our head. The end of a marriage. The end of a friendship. The end of a relationship. Moving on from one season to the next. The miscarriage. The negative pregnancy test after that hopeful slight positive result. A move. Moving on. And not to forget the changes, growth, stops and pauses that come with any of these. The opportunities we lost because we chose to love and support a loved one. The life we thought we will have The memories we thought we will make And sometimes you may feel so angry because the world seems to be moving on just fine…. No one can tell that as you pushed the trolley in the supermarket, there was a contraction and a loss of what would have been a baby. Your baby. Somedays it is easy for you to identify what you are feeling, you are in your room with the windows covered just sitting in the darkness and somedays, you get through your day with love and laugher and then all of a sudden, as you lay on your bed, you feel a tightness in your chest and you seek the mercy of tears and it just doesn’t come. Then there is people telling you how strong you are but you can barely lift the blankets off and start your day. Grief is for loss. It is your loss whatever that means for you. And it is valid. (ٱلَّذِینَ إِذَاۤ أَصَـٰبَتۡهُم مُّصِیبَةࣱ قَالُوۤا۟ إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّاۤ إِلَیۡهِ رَ ٰجِعُونَ) [Surah Al-Baqarah 156] those who say, when afflicted with a calamity, ‘We belong to God and to Him we shall return.’
It has been exactly 12 months since I announced my idea for women of tadabbur to the world. I don’t even know where the idea came from, oh actually I do know. Alhamdulillah. I also remember thinking it was a bad time to start cos I was also starting Arabic full time and then I had my day job and the agents and my family…and…and… I put it out anyway and then one person signed up and then the second and then… and then it morphed into a beautiful community of amazing and supportive women. And even more communities have been born of that. The doubts come in sometimes but I have learnt so much. SubhanAllah! To mention a few,
Taking a leap of faith means doesn’t mean you trust yourself, it means you trust Allah ﷻ
Take the first step even if you do not see the whole staircase.
The power of one. Allah ﷻ has always sent me that one sign, maybe a person that will just say something that I didn’t even know that I needed to hear. “Aisha! it is one at a time, one sign, one person, one feeling, one idea, one theme, one moment of gratitude, one community, one foot in front of the other and that is how we change the world.” Please say a du’a for all of these special ladies – all of them – new and old, present and those who had to take their leave. I pray that Allah ﷻ fixes all our hearts. He is indeed Al-Jabbar.
When man is visited by a trouble, he prays to Us, but when, after that, We favor him with some blessing from Us, he says, “This is given to me because of (my) knowledge.” No, but this is a trial, yet most of them do not know.
One of my teachers once gave us an advice, he said, don’t forget to engage with the Qur’an in a language that you are comfortable with every once in a while.
As students of Arabic you can get so stuck with the grammar you forget to connect.
I was reading this ayah this morning and as I attempted to translate it on my own, I remembered an ayah which a sister refers to regularly….
And when you face a hardship at sea, vanished are those whom you used to invoke, except Him (Allah). Then, once He brings you safe to the land, you turn away (from Him); man is so ungrateful.
So many times we want something, that one that completes us, the job of our dreams, the school we want to get into or a cure for our disease or we are in deep trouble and we turn to Allah ﷻ but what happens when the ease comes? Or our duas get answered?
What happens then?
I need to look closely into my day to see what happens.
I woke up this morning and my day felt slightly different.
For the past 10 weeks, three times a week, I got to stay up after Fajr to reflect on the Qur’an with a blessed community of sisters.
And it is true!
The promise of a blessing in the morning.
Sakhr ibn al-Ghamidi reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “O Allah, bless my nation in their early morning.”
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1212
We all do this while most are prepping for work some are prepping their kids for school, some are prepping for school, some are in the hospital, some are struggling with sleep and it is so amazing how the Qur’an touches everyone. It meets us where we are at. There is something for everyone in the Qur’an. There is something for YOU.
SubhanAllah! It can only be from Allah ﷻ.
This morning was different, without the quick du’as of no interruptions due to network issues or the authenticity of sisters sharing their struggles or even the banter of the team at Yaqeen institute’s Qur’an 30 for 30.
So many times, Ramadan comes and we seek to reconnect with the Qur’an but what if we can find a way to stay connected with the Qur’an all year round. Then the added blessing of a group of like minded sisters.
Sign me up!
You know what gets me the most is sometimes a sister is sharing and it feels totally random and she even says, “does that even make sense?” And to another sister, it is exactly what she needed to hear.
I am praying that Allah ﷻ grants us ease and keeps our intentions pure and continues to use us all in a way that is pleasing to Him and benefits the Ummah.
We are starting a new series focused on Juz Amma. And you can join here In Sha’a Allah.
I struggled finding sleep last night. I decided it was because I was wearing only a night shirt and so finally got up at 1am to wear trousers. This happens regularly to me but mostly on Fridays. I didn’t understand why I struggled on this Saturday night.
Abu Agents (lit. Father of Agents aka My husband) travelled most of the week and had just returned yesterday. I did’nt struggle as much when he was away, shouldn’t his presence bring a feeling of ease. Why wasn’t this the case?
To be honest, since we were awakened at 2am when a group of strange men came into our house and threatened us and stole from us, it gave the word ‘peace’ and ‘security’ a whole new meaning. It also made me realize blessings that I take for granted.
Innocence and even ignorance – I mean, we hear that the world is a dangerous place but you do not know what that means per say, you are almost ignorant until you learn.
Ignorance they say, is bliss!
When you think about the words peace and safety, what do they mean to you?
Indeed, this life is a journey from Allah ﷻ (As-salam) through Sabil as Salam (Islam) to Dar-us-Salam (Jannah)
…truly it is in the remembrance of God that hearts find peace [Qur’an 13:28]
From Nana’s Journal| August 1st 2021
I pray that you find peace in your life. I pray that Allah ﷻ surround’s you with His Sakinah (tranquility). Amin!
P.s – If you want to stand for something cos you are tired of falling for everything. Let’s start working on your values here.
